Rudy Giuliani Made ‘Hannity’ Watchable

Sure, Rudy Giuliani may have implicated Trump for serious crimes. But at least it happened on his favorite shows!
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Caption: Welcome to "the late show. ". i'm stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ). thank you very much. happy national day of prayer. >> jon: that's right, that's. right. >> stephen: you know, i don't. know why it's just one day. because every morning since. the election i wake up and. scream, "oh, dear god!". ( laughter ). do something!. and trump talked about how. important faith is to other. people. >> i want to thank vice. president mike pence and karen. for joining us, very special. people, thank you very much. ( applause ). we are truly blessed to have a. vice president and a second lady. who believe in the power of. prayer and the glory of god, and. they do believe. i'm with them a lot. they believe. it's true. >> stephen: "they won't shut up. about it. i'm with them a lot. i'm breathing in a lot of. second-hand prayer. ( laughter ). okay. i'm in the holy water splash. zone. i need a poncho. ". ( laughter ). but trump might want to start. praying himself, because he's. got some problems. we'll cover some of them in. tonight's "stormy watch. ". ( cheers and applause ). ( band playing ). no idea what this means. ( laughter ). and it's not just a storm, it's. hurricane rudy. ( laughter ). last night, he made landfall on. fox news and trump may have to. declare himself a disaster. area. here's the situation: remember. michael cohen paid stormy. daniels $130,000 right before. the election. and both trump and cohen have. denied that trump knew anything. about the payment or paid cohen. back in anyway. it was just an act of charity. that charity: the american. society for the protection of. horny billionaires. ( laughter ). ( applause ). ? in the arms of a porn. star -- ?. they have both stressed for. months that trump never. reimbursed him. so legal giant rudy said this:. >> i'm giving you a fact now. that you don't know. it's not campaign money, no. campaign finance violation. >> they funneled it through a. law firm--. >> funneled it through a law. firm and then the president. repaid it. >> stephen: rudy!. you're not helping!. ( laughter ). "i got this. officer, you can't accuse my. buddy here of speeding, he was. way too drunk to do that!". ( laughter ). i don't understand why he would. do this!. i know not to do that. i'm not a lawyer and i know not. to do that. didn't rudy see trump on air. force one . >> mr. president, did you know. about the $130,000 payment to. stormy daniels . >> no. no. >> then, why did michael cohen. make this, if there was no truth. to her allegations . >> well, you'll have to ask. michael cohen. michael is my-- attorney and. you'll have to ask michael. >> do you know where he got the. money to make that payment . >> no, i don't know. between cohen and trump --. one of these two men is lying,. and it's both of them. ( laughter ). how is it that trump knew. nothing about this payment, but. somehow reimbursed cohen anyway . rudy had a theory:. >> when i heard cohen's retainer. of $35,000 when he was doing no. work for the president, i said,. well, that's how he's. re-paying-- that's how he's. repaying it with a little profit. and a little margin for paying. taxes for michael. >> stephen: what he's trying. to ship here is the idea that. cohen gets $35,000 a month for. trump and out of that he deduct. all the hush money he pays. all the porn stars you want to. silence for one low monthly fee. ( laughter ). cohen calls the service netchix. ( laughter ). ( applause ). ( piano riff ). netix, yes. it comes with streaming. >> jon: wow!. ( laughter ). >> stephen: sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. that's (russian accent prn. netchix. then a visibly shaken sean. hannity tried to point out the. looming iceberg in front of. the s. s. trump-tanic, but rudy. said, "full steam ahead. ". >> the president-- do you know. the president didn't know about. this . >> i believe that's what michael. had said. he didn't know about the. specifics of it, as far as i. know, but he did know about the. general arrangement, that. michael would take care of. things like this, like i take. care of things like this with my. clients, i don't burden them. with every single thing that. comes along. these are busy people. >> stephen: yes, they're busy. and getting busy with porn. stars. ( laughter ). and guiliani went on "fox &. friends" this morning to explain. the payment in even more. damaging ways. >> it had nothing to do with the. campaign, it was a personal. matter. personal reasons. it wasn't for the campaign!. however, imagine if that came. out on october 15th, 2016, in. the middle of the, you know,. last debate with hillary. clinton. >> stephen: there's something. kind of admirable about being. that bad of a liar. "your honor, i had no reason to. burn down my warehouse, but. i'll tell you that insurance. money saved my ass. ". now, when trump heard about. rudy's gaffe, he said, "okay,. let's go with that. ". "mr. cohen, an attorney,. received a monthly retainer, not. from the campaign and having. nothing to do with the campaign,. from which he entered into,. through reimbursement, a private. contract between two parties,. known as a non-disclosure. agreement, or n. d. a. these agreements are. ". ". very common among. celebrities and people of. wealth. ". hold on, i'm a celebrity, and. people of wealth and i don't. have any n. d. a. 's. and if i did, i wouldn't tell. you because i paid myself off. ( laughter ). trump tweeted on:. "in this case it is in full. force and effect and will be. used in arbitration for damages. against ms. clifford-- daniels. the agreement was used to stop. the false and extortionist. accusations made by her about. an affair. ". ". despite already having. signed a detailed letter. admitting that there was no. affair. prior to its violation by ms. clifford and her attorney, this. was a private agreement. money from the campaign, or. campaign contributions, played. no roll in this transaction. ". yes, roll!. he must have been hungry when he. typed this. "yes, no roll, no biscuit, not. even cornbread. cornbread's usually free. no roll. my crimes are gluten free. ". ( laughter ). trump is claiming that he paid. cohen a monthly fee to hush up. all the affairs he wasn't. having. so anyone can just say they. had an affair with trump and. leave with $130-grand . in that case, i had sex with. donald trump. ( laughter ). ( applause ). ( piano riff ). it's gonna come out. eventually. yeah!. yeah!. >> jon: you did it. >> stephen: yes. i don't mean love, it was dirty. dog. ( laughter ). and sure, like all the other. accusations it's not true, but. what a terrible time for it to. come out. can you imagine . >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: what would it do,. when he was fighting all these. other allegation that it broke i. had sex with donald trump. >> jon: it would be over. >> stephen: blow everybody's. mind. >> jon: absolutely. >> stephen: just --. ( laughter ). and remember how trump's defense. against charges of obstruction. of justice is totally linked. that the firing of comey. had nothing whatsoever to do. with the russia investigation. there's no obstruction because. the firing had nothing to do. with the investigation. maestro . >> he fired comey because comey. would not-- among other things--. say that he wasn't a target of. the investigation. he fired him and he said, "i'm. free of this guy. ". >> stephen: sir, firing the guy. because he won't announce you're. not the target of the. investigation is illegal. that's obstruction of justice. 101, which i believe was a class. they offered at trump. university. ( laughter ). and hannity also asked about. something comey said about. hillary clinton. >> he said today, or yesterday,. comey, he said, "hillary deeply. respects the rule of law. ". comey said that. >> wow. this is a very perverted man. >> stephen: no --. ( laughter ). >> stephen: no, no,. but giuliani's right. comey is one sick perv. i hear he gets off on blind. chicks who hold up scales. ( cheers and applause ). we have a great show for you. tonight. charlize theron is here. when we return, i talk about our. old friend cocaine mitch. mcconnell!. stick around!. .
 

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