Anxiety is the Greatest! (jk it can go jump off a microwave)

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Category: Film
Caption: Here anything you say into this will . reach hundreds of thousands of people do. anything you want with it have fun p is . stored and after being inspired by other . youtube people for being more honest . with their lives and struggles i decided . to slap my own mental health problems on . the table for everyone to see look at it . all gross help me . i'm not secretive about stuff like this . but i also don't really talk as openly . as i want to about it because i never . feel like anyone wants to pay attention . to me and my dumb problems you know who . else has problems those turtles who eat . plastic bags those guys got a lot of . problems to deal with like breathing i'm . just a shy quiet anxious introvert if . you can't identify as that type of . person you're probably sick of people . saying it all the time and i can't blame . you it's pretty common to see people . talking about anxiety and being awkward . and you know crippling depression as . much as i like those types of jokes . because they're relatable and can be . used as a dark coping mechanism to hide. the self destroying thoughts that tear. you up from the inside i also don't want . people to forget what the base of . anxiety really is one thing to clear up . i've had experiences where anxiety is . confused with narcissism which no i'm . sorry you couldn't be more wrong about . anything ever . is this a hamster hmm still not as wrong . as that guy narcissism is when you're. overly full of yourself and cocky and . think everyone loves you anxiety is. related to an unbalance in your mind . about your ability to cope with things . which creates an intense amount of . stress and worry there's a lot of . different forms anxiety can come in and. for me i'm struggling with social . anxiety which means i hate myself and . think everyone hates me too there's an . old greek myth about this dude narcissus . who falls in love with his own . reflection and dies alone staring at it . if he had a brother social anxiety that . guy would probably have a panic attack . at the thought of people looking at him . internally died at the sight of his . reflection and then blame himself for . dying i've seen people misunderstand . anxiety like oh you think everyone's . looking at you all the time . get over yourself would ya when it's . actually oh no i don't think everyone is . looking at me because i'm great i think . they're severely judging me. they secretly think i'm more worthless. than a dead clam even though i have no . proof that's what they're thinking and . they've treated me very nicely ever . since i met them i just have a hunch not . many things bothered me as a kid when . you're like seven the biggest things . going on in your universe are staying up. past 10:00 p. m. and trying to convince. your parents to buy you mechanical . pencils even though i was blissfully . oblivious to a lot of things i still . subconsciously knew there was something . different this weird nervousness . followed me everywhere. it wasn't intense 24/7 but for example . say when i had to go to the bathroom i . would feel like people were watching me . through the cracks and the doors and . little marks and the ceiling like eyes . were always on me even though i was old . enough to know that wasn't realistic at . all the feeling doesn't just go away . which is almost worse because then you . feel like you're going crazy in your own . head but at the time i just thought . everyone had paranoid thoughts you're . saying you don't ever worry that . everyone on the bus hates you because . your backpack is too blue . weird pass me that red marker the . constant uneasiness never fully goes. away even though i wasn't really . conscious of having it in the first . place once in my senior year of high . school i was in my english class and we . were all discussing something about how . men and women are different and sexism . and fun topic there were a lot of good . points brought up and i wanted to . contribute so i raised my hand and . almost immediately started shaking my . palms were sweaty knees weak arms heavy . vomit on my sweater already mom's. spaghetti which why i'm consenting to . participation here no one's holding my . hands up against my will why do i all of . a sudden feel like i want to crawl into . her feet and need rocks alone in the . dark. jadynn well statements backed up by . facts aren't inherently sexist like so . on average men are generically built . stronger than women which isn't sexist . just a general fact but saying all women . are weaker than men is sexist so like . you're not sexist if um you say to a guy . dude you can't have babies what am i . saying who am i while trying to talk i . started shaking lower and my throat . closed up and my eyes were like here . needs some tears even though i . chose to talk why am i like this i don't . understand and one day it just came to . me like a mailman slipped a piece of . paper under my brains doorstep oh i have . anxiety i still don't feel any better . about anything maybe a bit worse can i . return this please when i went to . college i was finally on my own which . meant i was thinking on my own and i . realized wait a second i'm not happy and . i hate myself that's for me low . self-esteem and depression eating . disorders all right what company got . ahold of my address i don't i don't want . this junk mail take me off the list stop . and butter bing bada boom the recipe was . complete for a sadness cake that's me . i've known about all of this for a while . and actually people struggling with . mental illness are generally aware of it . a lot of the time they know something's . wrong but succumbing to the fact that . you're not okay is really scary and you . feel even more hopeless like in cartoons . when a wife is like honey i think we're . lost. let's get directions i don't need no . directions i know where i'm going the . kids are hungry ronald and we should . have been at the store three days ago . i've got it under control . darling you're right we're lost i'm . hopeless there's science to back up that . if you frame it as i am depressed . instead of i have depression then you're . more likely to stay to press realizing . you're struggling is hard and when you . come face-to-face with the realization . that you're not okay you feel even more . or less than ever like how the frick am . i supposed to get off this island also . how did i get here why did no one . prepare me for this was there an . emergency island escape class i missed . or something some floaties would be nice . get out of here mailman sunday i was . under the impression that opening my . problems to people would bring them down . with me or bother them just get really . messy so i went full john mulaney with . everything i'll keep all my emotions . right here and then one day i'll . i was just a ticking time bomb which . surprisingly didn't make anything better. eventually it got so intense and . stressful huh something tells me this. isn't a healthy way to confront my . problems even though i was terrified i . started being more open to close friends. and family about things i'm struggling . with i began seeing a therapist which . was a bit weird at first hello stranger . with a degree i'm here to tell you why . i'm broken but it gets easier as you . work together and finding the right . therapist goes a long way to these steps . aren't automatic problem solvers i wish . but it really helps when you have . support from people who want to be there . for you when problems become too heavy . for you to carry on your own the people . who care about you most will come . forward and be there to support you . emotionally they're not gonna watch you . just get squished so don't be afraid to . talk to them if you saw someone . struggling and you really cared about . them you wouldn't hesitate to come to . their aid as well i hope so so take it . from me don't torture yourself actually . don't torture anything cool yeah that . last scene got a bit weird it was . supposed to be like an analogy for . stretching yourself thin with stress and . i don't know forget about it mental . health is super important and i'm. probably not the best person to talk . about happiness but i interpret it as a . skill you learn about and get better at . over time like it's gonna take a lot of . trial and error to understand what keeps . you afloat but you can use everything . you gather as you go as data to keep . adapting whether it's good or bad take . everything i say with a grain of salt . i'm i'm trying to figure out stuff at . the same time to thank you for all the . support as of recently it doesn't go . unnoticed and i've been super . appreciative of everything i had an . amazing time at vidcon meeting so many . people who watch the videos and getting . to hang out with a bunch of awesome . youtube creators i've been feeling good . lately and it's been a while since i . could say that honestly i'm just . breathing it in as much as i can and . acknowledging how good it feels to feel . good i'm rambling thanks for watching . the video. i'll talk to you later bye . .
 

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