Cyanide & Happiness Compilation – #9

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Princess
Cooking
Forest
Dinner with the Folks
Footsteps
Shark Dad
Ribs
The White Knight
Salt
Therapy
It's Not What It Looks Like
Ted Bear 2
Cyanide and Happiness delivers daily comics to your face-hole on www.explosm.net since 2005!
Caption:
Two so excited for teen with the soft . glow of them. maybe they'll be love at first sight on . my blind too . and . he's kind i wonder if he's strong wonder . if he's the man i needed all along too . me retail . he's thinking of me too . [music]. gonna get laid really do wanna get laid . nearly gonna get laid don't you laid it . in lead my heart is pounding my tight i . can't wait to get my pain is just gonna . touch myself to do gonna touch myself he . liddy gonna indulge in my body gonna do . something naughty gonna masturbate gonna . mess . [music]. look what i made you out of macaroni dad . oh that that's nice son really great job . okay . eat up with your water was still are. [music]. [music]. ok . internet backup i'm good . [music]. before you meet my parents . there's something that you should know. my parents are they're very religious . it's cool baby i love you and i'm sure i . love your family tomb and down my little . girl and this must be charlie . chuck chairs just ajust a cheetah hi . layout those cheese puffs you huh yeah . hi samantha is here and she brought a . friend. dinner's almost ready who is smells. great hunt a meal fit for the lord . himself . oh you stop it oh it's time to say the . blessing and thank the lord for this . feast now how did it get like that . no mom no mom no mom no mom no chester . you okay . don't make this weird hey now our i bag . of you a chester how about you do the . carving go on charlie everyone is . watching. [music]. timothy how did you get in there . all right now we are . me this spread it looks great and smells . great. you're a whiz in the kitchen deborah who . do you have to sell your soul to get . this good party people what's the . verdict. we're gonna take this upstairs or what . before you meet my parents there's. something i should tell you my family is . a little different too . oh hell no fuck this noise i swear to . fucking christ what has happened to this . country. lord yes my son . i've been walking with you for most of . my life when i look back at my life at . the path walked with you . go on my son well the thing is when my . life was easy when things were going my. way and life was simple i always thought . two sets of footprints in the sand. yes myself i was walking with you . yeah but lord when things were tough . when times were at their darkest i . looked back and i only saw one set of . footprints. why was that lord it's very simple my . son i was right you know . hey what are you getting me down and . we're just gonna make a horse make him a . little whores . [music]. [applause]. we're coming to you live from the west . side bridge where an ongoing hostage . situation shows no signs of coming to an . end. stay back everybody stay back or she . getting. mind if i driven shot . brad know ya get a char cracker the . coolest where the hell did you come from . i smelled your criminal play from up to . two miles away. well smell that look like you came for a . shootout pow . [music]. but you're about to be a shootout borrow . your pin is oh thank you shark glad . you're well come shark rad you saved the . day again. do you have anything to say for your. fans out there always do the right thing . and don't forget to do your homework . haha wow enough shark rad goes once . again to resume his secret identity. which to this day nobody knows a little. there billy. oh god go away dad and watching tv . have you done your homework yet hell no . i'm just watching shark rad kick-butt bb . every thing to say maybe about homework . he said you're finished . yeah oh whoo wow bang it's time for bed . billy did you finish your homework but . that get dad sounds like you need to . weed out o. o you your broken whatever i . know i'm gonna get more in my birthday . tomorrow would you just go already get . out of here. goodnight side . [music]. birthday . who wants cupcakes nobody dad this is a . boy's party. oh right you're so lame . you better got me a new shark red toy it . i got you something a little better than . an action figure . the kids . which one of you is lily is it you i . billy your dad told me to stop by and . personally wish you a happy birthday . wow my dad knows you but he sucks i . happen to think your dad's one of the . coolest dad's i've ever met . sure you're at the right house shark red . billy i don't just know your dad i am . lord shark red is mine is my dad shark . rad sucks you suck . what a lameass even the name is stupid . sharp red god dammit i can't believe i . like that guy what a dump superhero . thanks dad one more thing you've taken. away from me. what is shit hey everyone look at shark . red is not a loser . what's happening to him doctor . i'm sorry mrs henry but your husband is . suffering from a rare rapidly events in . form of arthritis in his ribcage his . bones are eroding at an annual rate i'm . afraid he doesn't have much longer is . there anything we could do well we could . do this . [music]. wait wait wait no no i think i can play . la cucaracha while bryce wines by light . by night price white takes flight with . the might of right to fight for our . white a white knight . this reason i called you here white . knight . yeah what's up chief me to catch more . criminals. no see that's the thing the jail cells . are full. i've been meaning to talk to you about . your unusually high number of arrests. what can i tell you chief these streets . are swarming with degenerate scum . yeah all right look here's a record of . your arrests do you notice anything . similar with these well they're all . criminals. i can tell just by looking how can you . tell someone to criminal just by looking . at all the power i was born with i call . it my white sight they may look like . ordinary people to you but somehow those. 30 delinquents all look alike to me . especially those ones told the whole . globe trotters the only court they'll be . bawling in is a court of law . listen white you can't you can't go . around arresting resting what criminals. this you're making us look bad . i am how you can guess what you don't . understand. listen why it's got something to say say. it spit it out. come on i'm trying to why are you so . upset because supposed to arrest those . black people leave any for the rest of . us. that's racist. white apes check it out . classic. [music]. and since then he's just been shut down . he's emotionally unavailable i'm . starting to think we've grown too far. apart that we would be better on our own . there are a lot of hurt feelings in this. room. you're both talking and you're both . hearing but i don't think either of you . is listening i want you to try something . a little roleplay to help you understand . each other's points of view. stevie you're trying to get a promotion . you but i want to have a baby too scared . to commit because i've been living . [music]. [music]. oops that's all the time we have . [music]. honey it's not what it looks like . seriously walk that way . ok . haha crazy huh wow that's not see it's . just a halloween mask a coat and a bro . ted bear was a remarkable man is . survival show thomas more than how to . survive. tell us how to live it was truly . larger-than-life he will forever be yeah . now the trick is surviving your own . death is to simply not die in the first. place but rather create a soft fatty . cocoon around yourself that's the . difference between ted bear and dead . bear. hello everyone i'm ted bear and we're . going to learn how to survive . try to keep up. now here's the scenario you've decided . to settle down and give city life a try . after one too many close calls with . whitey bugs in the wild . what you make shrimp and easy in this . barbie world living in civilization . you need some real survival skills up. your sleeve and what better place to . look. then nature . let's look at this snakes rental and how . it shakes when threatened. that's why it's called a shaky snake . being tastic now let's try it ourselves . excellent bang shaky snake which you go . little bugger that brilliant but we can . do that too sir do you know indecent . exposure means no but i've got a fairly . decent enclosure . hey where to go at hey huh . look at what we have here these little . guys are called banana slugs it's just . kidding there's no such thing as a . banana slug food animal hybrids . that's a laugh. [music]. [music]. after these two finish up the beautiful . active sluggy lovemaking the mail will . do something absolutely remarkable. he'll eat his own penis. hi . well i guess sir . look i don't think the survival tactic . is work. it's just it . how is this supposed to help me survive . in any way guy haha argies higher . hello i'm dead bear and our bati my own . my can't we just use special effects . i mean this is even a real woman. well here goes. [music]. [music]. getting away after him . [music]. moms had what's mr. shute want to go . home . yeah man this isn't about you . you'll never take me alive . [music]. you're fired . hi i'm ted bear and i was just doing a . bit of surviving over here now the trick . is surviving without a home is to wait . behind this bowling alley around 1am . that's when they throw out all the . nachos. they didn't sell just like clockwork . now we're going to go learn how to use . library computers to jack dead bear your . your gets here you're like my hero man . i've watched all of your shows . i told all my friends and stuff about . you too you're like a legend man . hit survival hey yo . well i didn't see you there i hope . you're surviving as well as i am i've . got a roof over my head . three meals a day yeah nice lookin . pretty peachy for old on ted bear and . also you next time. nature great barracuda with the new pump . with a very bad luck with the footlong . was sitting on the tail for not living . today i would wanna survive for a cane . 10. 5 also notice the drunk people . running this ship dancing my river jump . it up in your dick. yes motherfucker . .
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