Donald Glover: Why Are There No “Crazy Man” Stories? – Comedy Central Presents

Donald Glover always wanted to know why women don't have any stories about "crazy men" in their lives, but upon reflection, he's figured it out.
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Relationships are really hard like it . really broke my heart like it's horrible . eh you know it's just like cuz there's . so many things that you learn in a . religious peschel ii when you really . love is that like i mean i remember guys . tell me if this ever happened to you . like you'd be in the bed right here with . your girl you're sleeping and all of a . sudden blue wow and she'd be like i just . had a dream when you were sleeping with . another woman and you'd be like so she . be like explain yourself now anybody . else in the world any other human being . you'd be like oh that person has mild . schizophrenia right but because she's . your girl and you love her you'll be . like oh well you know me that's all you . can sing and you can know dude in the . world can get away with that jump know . do negative dudes if your friend came up . to you you look at him like it was crazy . but let her boom a man i had a dream . with you a mean to me stepped on my foot . you ain't saying nothing . also you were holding a baby and the . baby had a favorite old face . and my teeth fell out and my feet what . happened and my father was there i did . not see him but i knew he was there . but joey's . i'm so like women like when i started . listening to him like really listening . one wants to break a pap and listening . the other women like i realized like . every man every man in this room has a . crazy woman's story you know like every. man has another christine christine was . crazy. christine is so crazy remember i had my . new girl christine christine christine. was crazy right. christine was crazy uh memories you know . and you know every dude in here has that. story that's like why don't women have . crazy men's stories like why don't women . have crazy men's stores i don't really . hear and then i realized i was like oh . it's because if you got a crazy . boyfriend you gonna die . just something about men the second day . realize they crazies like to kill . everything and you can hear it crazy you . can hear a crazy like a man's story but . they're not fun like crazy women's . stories at all like that was just like . oh charlie charlie was so crazy used to . come over shoot my dog and it was dead . the first time but he kept shooting it . in there then i moved to florida he . found me now i'm in this wheelchair i'm . gonna say some outlandish stuff i heard . some of those boos and i are there like . i was like poor made-up lady . poor lady that donal mater can't get up . for 10 steps because she's in a pretend . wheelchair that's what that is that's . all about imagination and stuff like . that cuz i'm a very imaginative like in . a foster home like my parents were . foster parents and we had a lot of . foster kids and kids like go crazy it's . all about imagination and stuff like . that like they're all they're very . emotional beings you know kids i . remember you guys from you guys remember . when the lights would go out and you're . in your in your school remember that . like in the third grade like it'll . lights go out. [applause]. kids just lose it. it wasn't even dark it's like 2:00 p. m. sunlight coming through the window just . like losing their minds in the same junk . what happened when there was a fire . drill and the principal would come on . and tell you it was gonna be a fry drill . like in two minutes it's gonna be a fire . drill craziness kids aren't thinking we . had a man we had a teacher named mr. brown right we had a teacher named mr. brown and he was writing something on . the board once he was writing some on . the boy and he farted and you would have . thought kids had seen the face of god . kids weren't even laughing they were . just sitting there just like screaming . just screaming. kids have to get it out kids were . screaming and cried like kids etiquette . and parted out and they were going to . like the nurse's office kids are crying . in the hallway this is like this is our . and it was it was their 911 cuz they . never thought anything like that could . ever happen kids were all not always . giving interviews they're like oh my god . i remember because i was talking to . bertram harris and he said if my hand. was bigger than my face then i had aids . so i put my hand around my face and then . he slammed it was a very funny joke with . it all of a sudden we heard this sound . from the front of the room mr. brown and . then johnny c rights to the pretend mr. brown brown dispatch . and that was even funnier my heart goes . out to the parents of the children who . smelt the fart. because that's even funnier than hearing. it you know . [applause]. .
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