I Do Not Like The Open House (A Terrible Netflix Original)

truly a masterpiece
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Sources:
Music used ► https://soundcloud.com/tazlazuli
Outro song ► https://soundcloud.com/kwatchmusic/neuro
Caption:
If you're worried about spoilers for. this movie just don't because you . shouldn't see it don't see it it's a . waste of time the only reason i know . about this movie is the as netflix put . it in their featured section which is . pretty hard to avoid because it's right . fucking there when you open netflix and . my wife and i use netflix a lot to watch. shows that we like she recognized the . actor as the same guy who played in 13 . reasons why is show that she really . enjoyed so we decided to give it a shot . and i know scary movies get a bad rap . because a lot of them are trash and let . me tell you this movie is not helping . the open house has got to be one of the . worst movies i've ever seen with amazing . quotes such as it's good to see some new . faces especially pretty ones i just mean . the mountain folk can get a little . scruffy at times and i am not talking . about the men the stars dillema net and . pearcy dalton i've never heard of piercy . dalton before but surprisingly she is. the best part about this movie aside. from a couple notable scenes they both . are ok . nothing astounding but they do their job . and they're convincing for the most part . the open house was written and directed . by matt angel and suzanne cooped on imdb . it shows that matt is known for . complications legends of tomorrow and . grim but if you go down to see the . movies he's directed and written there's . only one other movie aside from the open . house and that's ha /if which is one of . those movies that was made for no . audience i'm pretty sure nobody ever . watched this and same thing with suzanne . couch she wrote and directed one movie . that was cast into the abyss called . welcome home lea so neither of these . people have a lot of experience but hey . robert eggers who wrote and directed the . witch did an astounding job with little . to no experience don't get me wrong the . open house looks good for the most part . the production value is ok it's just . everything else that fails miserably . this movie trips over itself constantly . it starts with the generic scary movie . rising strings over the moans of dylan . manette. [music]. and it turns out he's jogging what is it . yes 519 507 does . that's enough ridgewood high that's . almost enough for the olympics now . remember the fact that he's fast this . will play a crucial role later on . actually no it won't . that's weird when they were outside a . second ago it looked like it was . somewhere around 5 to 6 p. m. but when . they enter the house it's pitch black . outside then we have this scene where . logan removes his contacts foreshadowing . one of the silliest moments in film . history you'll see the dad drops the egg . so they have to go get more okay . [applause]. [music]. [applause]. god right i'm great man i wonder if this . song will play a role later on the dad . forgets to grab the milk what an . irresponsible dum-dum then out of . nowhere this car plows into dad it cuts . to black and now we're at his wake no . talk about who was driving the car who . killed his father if he got away or why . he did it the movie decides that you . don't need to know i guess we'll . probably find out later as the plot . develops right nope but we'll touch on . this later then naomi's sister tells . naomi that she and logan can stay at . their mountain house since toyomi is too . poor to afford rent also very skimpy . dress to wear to awake look at that sick . ass oh oh yeah so naomi and logan decide . to move into this mountain house on . their way to this house they run into . the big bad guy of this movie the man in . black yes that's what he's titled as on . imdb he has no name he's just like a. faceless man he's standing in the middle . of the road they swerve out of the way . stop the car and poof he's gone he's not . there oh and naomi's know starts. bleeding out of nowhere for no reason . initially i thought it was hinting at . some paranormal stuff but nope seriously . it's not explained later on it just . happens because it happens there's a lot . of that in this movie it's almost as if . the movie is constantly teasing . something that never happens you want . something to happen you're expecting . something to happen but it never does . and what does happen just leaves you . disappointed and you're like why did i . just waste all this time watching this . god-awful god disgrace of a movie they . go to it looks like a gas station not . only picks out the milk that are stupid . dead husband forgot about. logan drops his stuff like an idiot oh . whoops whoops and were introduced to. martha her character makes no sense . she's the annoying crazy lady that lives . next door and her only purpose is to act . creepy and stuff. the quiet out here can get real loud by . now like right here she stares at logan . logan stares back he looks away looks . back and she's gone is she a ghost is . there some deeper meaning nope she's . just a creepy random old lady this movie . tries to lead you to believe that it's . more interesting that is cuz they dangle . these carrots in front of you as the . movie progresses but it all leads to . fucking nothing . so they arrive at naomi's sisters . mansion that she's selling which i'm . guessing means she's living in some. other house if her sister is so wealthy . then why hasn't naomi reached out to her . for some financial support prior to her . husband's death wouldn't that make more . sense they go inside martha calls the . landline because she's a creepy stalker. later that has nothing better to do okay . thanks martha also if this is modern . they don't really specify when this . movie takes place . who the fuck still uses landlines logan . walks around the house and eventually . goes down into the stereotypical scary. movie basement that never has working . lights for some reason even though this . is presumably a multi-million dollar . mansion he walks down some corridors and . comes across a big pile of broken wood . and stares at it as if it's a pile of . bodies or something walks up the stairs . and while the stairs breaks ooh scary . logan hears a sound in the middle of the . night comes downstairs and knows as a . car with his lights on pointed at the. house that's weird the car haunts logan . walks outside to confront this guy the . car vanishes out of thin air you don't . hear it drive off or anything he stares . at this random fake deer that has. literally zero significance in this . movie turns around and hilariously . there's martha in a bathroom she asked . logan why he's living in the mansion . then she runs off scared like a psycho . lady instead of immediately waking his . mother up because of the very strange . car and the batshit insane neighbor he . decide. this is a great time to reminisce and . look at the photographs under her pillow . okay . logan wakes up to a week jump-scare by . the realtors who reaches for someone's . face when they're trying to wake them up . don't you normally like push on their . arm or maybe shake their leg what was . this guy gonna do grab his face naomi . and logan are told they must leave . because of the open house and to return . at 5:00 p. m. and then we have this scene . of the open house with a bunch of people . walking in these barbarians don't close . the door behind them and then were . presented with evil black boots i know . that they're evil black boots because . the music told me that they're evil. black boots. [music]. thanks music naomi and logan go out to . eat but naomi can't pay for the bill so . logan uses his birthday money that his. aunt gave him how poor are these people . if they really can't afford to go out to . eat then why didn't they just go to a . dollar tree and pick out some snacks or . something why they go out to eat to . begin with if they didn't have enough . money in the first place i mean it just . doesn't make any sense right so then . they go to this clothing store because . shopping is something that they can do . if they can't even afford a meal the guy . behind the counter starts talking to . naomi logan has his period and forces . them to leave because we're where nobody . says nice things to my mommy it's good . to see some new faces especially pretty . ones i just mean the mountain folk can . get a little scruffy hey buddy how you . doing. they get home when there's another week . jump-scare as this realtor guy walks out . of the room without saying a word even . though it's obvious that they just came . home isn't it his job to greet potential . buyers any way he freaks out because . he's running late but it seems more . likely that he either has to shit really . bad and can't use other people's toilets . because he's a germaphobe or he just saw . a ghost but since this isn't a ghost . movie he definitely just has to shit . then logan explains to his mother how. creepy open houses are because this . movie is having such a hard time doing . that itself at this point we can assume . that evil boots is in the house with . them right okay cool . let's continue here they are watching a . movie naomi says she has to pee logan . goes to get more popcorn evil boots . opens the door in the background for no . reason then the phone rings . naomi answers it in all chigan here on . the other end is them echoing so evil . boots is calling them from within their . house for shits and giggles naomi starts . taking a shower. logan brings a cereal up to his room and . notices that his phone is missing so . evil boots must have snuck upstairs and . stole his phone at some point . logan uses his mom's phone to call his . phone and notices that a cereal bowl . miraculously teleported downstairs so in . the time that took for logan to go to . his mother's bathroom get her phone and . go downstairs evil boots took logan's . bowl of cereal and brought downstairs . for no other reason than to . fuck with them how sneaky is this dude . he's go
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