Late Show Powerball Tips

The Powerball drawing has reached $1.5 Billion, aka, "Stephen's $1.5 Billion" since he's definitely winning it.
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You know, over the commercial. break, i was thinking about my. lotto ticket. and, again, for those just. joining us, i'm going to win. anybody want to see the winning. numbers . right there. ka-pow!. there it is!. now, alarmingly, there seems to. be one thing standing in my way:. other people buying tickets. i did not see that coming. and some of them aren't even. americans. >> excitement is growing. internationally. thousands of canadians are. pouring into the u. s. to try. their luck. >> the canadians, they're coming. like crazy here for the lotto. >> i'm gonna take my chances. just like everyone else. we come here and drop a lot of. money on a regular basis. we shop in the u. s. a lot,. so we give to you. it's time to give back. ( laughter ). >> stephen: no one disputes that. canada gives us a lot, from. their delicious syrup to their. finest goslings. but you are playing with fire. here, canadian woman, because i. promise you, if one of you. moose-munching ice-holes wins. america's billion-dollar. powerball, donald trump will be. elected president of the united. states. ( cheers and applause ). i'll vote for him!. i will vote for him!. because he's going to build a. wall between the u. s. and canada. and make the powerball winner. pay for it!. so an american has got to win. this thing, and people are. desperately looking for advice. from the experts, like. seven-time lotto winner. richard lustig, a man who struck. it so big in the lotto, he can. fulfill his lifelong dream of. continuing to play the lotto. >> the question they ask is,. "what can i do . what can i do to give myself a. better chance of winning ". >> stephen: yes, that's the. question i'm asking!. >> this is going to sound bad,. but this is the only answer--. buy as many tickets as you can. afford. >> stephen: "buy as many as you. can afford. ". okay, got it. sound advice. you've got to be in it to win. it, but you have to budget for. the essentials-- food, rent,. scratchers, the ponies, camel. straights. now, some might say there's no. way to game a completely random. system and that you're far. better off saving or investing. your money. those people are called suckers. ( laughter ). they're taking themselves out of. the game, and leaving all their. daughters' lucky birthdays for. you to play. so while i'm going to clearly. win this one, here are some. "late show" powerball tips. and keep in mind that the tip is. the most sensitive part of the. powerball. ( laughter ). ( applause ). ( cheers ). >> stephen: don't encourage . me . okay, "late show's"" powerball. tip number one-- pick only. winning numbers, be it 8, 11,. 39-- your choice, but pick the. ones that win. tip number two: know what. numbers are. a lot of folks lose before they. even play because they pick an. ampersand or the emoji for. eggplant. those are not numbers. we all know what this is. tip number three: if it's smart. to buy as many tickets as you. can afford, think how smarter. it is to buy more than you can. afford. where are you going to get the. money, you ask . the guy in the future. that guy's loaded because he. just won the lottery with tips. one through two. next, tip number four:. if you want to be a lottery. winner, start acting like a. lottery winner. buy all of your friends matching. jeeps. pick up an expensive pill. addiction. start screaming at your loved. ones, "i'm not a damn bank!". then wake up in a radisson. bathroom under a pile of naked. strangers, empty the mini bar. into your pockets, and slink. back to your job at the verizon. store. because you're going to need. that paycheck to buy more lotto. tickets. but the most important tip. of all:. have this lottery ticket. because that powerball is all. mine!. i'll see you at the radisson!. .
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