Everything Wrong With Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spider-Man Homecoming was a nice surprise, capturing the spirit of the character as well or better than any previous film. We loved it. And so, of course, we were compelled to sin it.
Thursday: Get your pitchforks ready as we go after a classic.
Remember, no movie is without sin! Which movie's sins should we expose next?!
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[music]. kids go the future toombs his friend . would totally say she here but the movie. decides to play its own version of the . pronoun game to hide a future twist . please turn over any and all it no one . saw that not assholes who made this mess . again paid to clean it up . tokine woodbine would be excellent at . cinema since i'd say what that's keeping . the world's change it's time we changed . too and like that he's a villain this is . as good a time as any to mention that . the collective timelines of all the. films in the mcu is basically okay i . initially ignored the 35 seconds of to . sony company logos at the start of the . film but if you're going to prologue and . then give me a 35 second marvel logo. five minutes into the film and send a . knight twice new york quaint neary . should the trip you can't show it to . anyone then why is happy letting him . film this at all i have to say peters . cell phone captured video journal is way . the do over edited almost like it's a . marvel film stark's continued commentary . on mays attractiveness has now . officially moved from the creepy column . to the offensive column just a stupid . dangerous thing to do in view of all the . schools front windows look at all those . goddamn windows how's your mom . jesus christ dear kevin feige get your . marissa tomei boner and check because . it's starting to creep us all out got to . admit i'm not a fan of the stark spidey . suit spider-man is cool because he's . smart enough to build a suit himself i . don't need another iron man thank you . very much. okay i'm not made of steel spider-man . giving directions to an older lady is . exactly what spider-man is all about and. this movie just turned us in off stan . lee cameos have become caricatures of . themselves at this point tooms has been . selling this alien tech for the past . eight years and this is the first time . spidey or anyone else has seen any of it . fine and then is fighting the avengers . in the bank on 21st street this is . supposed to be funny and play off of . what spider-man has already set but . clearly this guy i can see from across . the street those aren't the avengers so . why tell the cops that yeah the craziest . thing just happened to me happy hasn't . answered peters calls or responded to . any of his texts for the past however . many weeks but conveniently chooses now . to answer one of his calls in queens . where every other resident is old with . nothing to do but spy on their neighbors . nobody sees this isn't. enough to close this door with his hand . does he need to shoot the web other than . to further sell his in the room right. now best friends reaction peter just . came in from the window directly behind . net how'd he not see him her sense him . this movie leads you to believe. spider-man doesn't have spidey sense or. doesn't have it yet why is that exactly . what is removing that from the mythos of . this character adding turkey is a . disaster i could have told you that . before you started cooking but whatever . that's for five how many new backpacks . does he need before aunt may's starts . asking reasonable questions . clearly doesn't cut it can you spit . fennel can you summon an army of spiders . the series of ned asking questions to . peter is hilarious i'll have to yeah we . met but there is zero chance no one . sitting around peter and ned can't hear . what they're saying pretty sure this . guy's a war criminal now but whatever. after so ds videos this guy has a point . also public school in a nutshell . everyone okay another sin off this is . funny and all spider-man in the suburbs . but there are a bunch of trees he could . be swinging off right behind him in this . shot alone how did these stupid ass . henchmen think they could demo a blue. alien explosion gun without anyone . taking notice and peter just happens to . be acting and decisive on the roof to . conveniently see it there's me something . this stick owes somebody i'm not trying . to shoot them back in time look it may . be hard to buy a gun in new york but . it's gotta be easier than getting access . to the only dudes that have this . technology right if childish gambino . just wanted to stick somebody up why not . just go with the finger in your pocket . technique movie steals an outtake from . us. [music]. somehow spidey survives this fault even . though later karen tells him that . falling off the washington monument . would be lethal. [music]. iron man x mucking it up to the max iron . max machina he's not what you thought . when i took on captain america trust me . kid. cap 1 2 lay you out he would have . basically the whole problem with civil . war in one sentence if you come across . these weapons again call happy . considering you never answers the phone . when peter calls i'm not sure how this. is good advice and how the hell did the . cell phone even survive that thousand . foot fall and submerged in a lake a few . minutes ago didn't get around from me to . the party how is he getting back home . the shocker i shock people . what is this pull leslie ah damn even . this movie's main villain would be . excellent at cinemasins and if you can . afford me out there though right . everything i'd know not tom hardy is not . too bright to be threatening not birdman . like this yeah that seems smart also . peter decides to try and get to the . bottom of the whole purple gun thing . mystery during class and somehow doesn't . get discovered these guys would not be . strolling around a 2017 new york high . school during operating hours without . raising some sort of suspicion . spidey homing bacon kind of lame thanks . tony stark for ruining most of what made. spider-man cool the date for the . academic decathlon on this poster says. it's on september 14th however the. poster from earlier in the movie showed . it being from october 13th through the. 15th tony stark billionaire ingenious . can't create tech a high school . sophomore can hack into detecting 3 . individuals giving spider-man his own. jarvis is yet again and nassima to what . spider-man is all about does it make . sense in this universe with the way . they've you start to introduce spidey . yes but as much as i enjoyed this movie . i must repeat that i am knocked down . with iron man spidey and yes you comic . fans i know there's an iron spider thing. in the comics i don't care activating . instant kill instant kill why would tony . even put this setting in the suit and . how does it work exactly . all the sudden his webs become poisonous . possible combinations jesus . whoops neither do i peter neither do . want you appear to have a mild . concussion no lie the nfl sued sony for . this line of dial activating . reconnaissance from spider god spider . god there's literally nothing the suit . can't do for him it's literally not a . spider-man movie unless the girl he . likes ends up in mortal peril literally . this is your chance peter kisser why in . the ever-loving would tony stark write a . suit ai for peter that gives him a . relationship advice and honestly who . would trust relationship advice from. something written by tony stark anyway i . don't see how hang up your mode of . transportation is helpful talk to me . when you're smart enough to suggest this . without being asked stupid suit lady . karen that's super convenient for peter . right now also how it doesn't stark had . access to this footage um that looks . terrible a red and blue paper airplane . would have looked more like a gliding . spider-man than that does hey wait a . second he didn't give any such command . back before casually tossing grenade web. but later he has to say to get that web . site if only there was a large body of . water close by high to throw this in the . spray a bunch of webs and when it . doesn't work use brute strength . sequences way more like the subway scene . in spider-man 2 then i think this . movie's intended jesus christ poses . jesus how the hell did tony know to . bring these things the ship only split . down the middle like 90 seconds ago does . he just always travel with dozens of . tiny thrust robots everyone okay no . thanks to you there was almost zero . chance no one died in that incident . everyone else said i was crazy to . recruit a fourteen-year-old kid . everyone else was right well this is the . fakest background that ever faked being . a background i guess you already have a . date to homecoming actually i'm so busy . playing and i never really got around to . that part so yeah no that girl has a . date a backup date and three hot . friendzone dudes on standby i know many . of you love this moment and more power . to you but the sheer odds of peters . nemesis being the dad of his date or . just i mean you could win the lottery . more easily he disappeared like you . always do but you didn't dc to . movie mostly redeems the coincidence dad. thing with the scene where he realizes . who peter is and which ends with one of . the coolest hero villain conversations . ever i'd kill you . and everybody loved this entire scene . have to leave rules another sin off but . also might want to pull away from the . very public place you're currently in . front on before pulling out that gun . gotta go i'm sorry why does he have to . go other than there wouldn't be a movie . if he doesn't the saints thing to do . here would be to call happy and let him . know you've discovered the identity of . the vulture and he's got something going . down tonight . how did shocker know this was the door . peter would come out of how the hell did . vulture even have time to call shocker . and get him here to do this peter went . inside for like 45 seconds shocker must . have been in the trunk of vultures . goddamn car shocker kicks the . web-shooter instead of crushing it or . shocking it . i get that spider-man has insane . strength but he doesn't have the star . costume on anymore it's basically just . wearing a hoodie so how has he not cut . up all to hell here and or knocked . unconscious he was knocked unconscious . earlier while in the better suit after. hitting the top of the transport truck i . know when bronzy knows fresh and that . was not fresh this is some weird comic . thing with spider-man and branzino . because in the amazing spider-man the . dialogue makes a point of saying they're . eating branzino at quinn's house it's . just too fucking weird to be a. coincidence right happy hangs up on ned . and basically creates the need for this . movie to even have a climax he takes . this call like a normal human being an . iron man ends this about three minutes . flat we just got a load tony's old hulk . buster armor prototype for cap's new . shield and the making the magnum floors . magic belt. it's the macguffin plane and looking at . porn love ned why wouldn't peter just . whip up tombs right now you know how . this wouldn't been an issue if peter had . webbed up both fucking hands couldn't he . at this point like step forward there's . literally nothing in front of him right . now retro reflective panels engaged . how did toombs crew know so much about. this moving table and that the plane . will be cloaked just one scene of them . paying off a guy on the inside is all it . would have taken if they've got these . alien balls why do they even need to . make the weapons and sell them they . could just enter vaults or whatever they. wanted to and steal all the money they . need it may be set for life they went to . this much trouble with security and got . or built a being invisible jet but . didn't put any locking mechanisms on the . actual crates themselves just a demo i'm . going . on the outside of an invisible jet fine . if i go first - cute line but she is not . your girlfriend she only went out with . you once to a dance were you immediately . abandoned her sony made a movie and . marvel said hey let us edit that fight . scene for you in our signature style and . sony said no way but marvel did it . anyway good thing no one was hanging out . on coney island on this night the spider . man also resistant to fire somehow . between the ferry and the plane and now . this he should just be ash at this point . but my friends call me mj what you movie . i thought you don't have any friends . and why do you now exactly you've done . nothing but flip people off and make. mean drawings of them this entire movie . so what happened to change all this and . i'll introduce the world . the newest official member of the . avengers why would tony go from i need . the suit back - you're part of the . avengers after one heroic moment for . peter he took the suit for peter going . after the vulture and then when peter . goes after vulture again boom welcome to. the club he's still a 15 year old kid. where's the kid he'll ask peppers here - . this really does feel more and more like . iron man for haha they tricked you . robert downey jr. i know you said you . didn't want to do a fourth but they . pricked your ass peter really needs to . learn how to close and lock a door . patience the movies final end credits . scene is a big old feud everyone that . stayed to watch something at least a . smooth more entertaining than a troll . this place is horrible smells like bald . i'm batman . hey shoot ladies yes . i feel bad calling you soup lady should . probably give you a name samantha a . blizz no no no what about carrie . samantha either . don't tell hurry . [music]. [applause]. the world's changing it's time we change . too . you either die a hero or you live long . enough to see yourself become the . villain. [music]. .
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