Everything Wrong With The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

Somehow, even in five years' time, we still haven't sinned the Narnia movies. We begin to fix that starting today with the sins of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. There are... plenty.
Next Week: Two actiony sins vids.
Remember, no movie is without sin! Which movie's sins should we expose next?!
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[music]. these are german bombers in a movie . about some british kids escaping the war . into a mythical realm do we really need . sky captain in the world of yesterday . footage of these bombers maybe this is . why the movie is 2 hours 23 minutes long . this intense opening is meant to give us . context but it also builds a connection . to their home and their mother that the . movie will never revisit or resolve for. its entire two and a half hours you know . what else could get you killed beter . leaving that bunker door open just so . you can chastise your little brother. shut the door when boarding a train . please make sure to inform us if you are . starring in a film so you can be seated . my window on the station side for . maximum waving effect thank you and . enjoy your evacuation you won't listen . to your brother waiting edmund you go . okay i will but um do you mean . emotionally like dakota fanning and man . on fire or do you mean physically like . ats monica on fronts or do you mean . spiritually like that will writer chick . movie isn't the screwtape letters mrs. maccready i'm afraid so . let me spend so much time oliver. twisting an an of green gables i'm . beginning to wonder if it's ever going . to go narnia chronicling and above all . there should be no disturbing off the . professor oh now i understand this too . long setup they're hoping to create and . norn your hurts which i guess they kind . of do for another movie or two why don't . i forget how it all worked out was it . latin worst game ever invented edmund is . such a miserable whiny little bastard . always correcting everyone and pointing . out the mistakes and hey random and . convenient completely empty chest is. both random and convenient she ran . through at least two hallways and is at . the far end of this room with the door. closed. i doubt she's hearing peter at all lucy . accidentally south into narnia is . wandering into a fantasy world a common . occurrence for lucy she doesn't seem . shocked or scared at all that this. closet led to some sort of winter . wonderland how is she at least not . running back the way she came at this . point to inspect what happened and . without proper orienteering skills and. basic intelligence lucy died of. hypothermia long before the game of. hide-and-seek was over lucy's left hand . touches the pole but an immediate cut . away shows it's her right hand and then . immediately her left again i haven't . seen pole work that fast since well . never mind . yes losey be very afraid i've seen what . james mcavoy does when he's in beast . mode and you don't want any part of it . did this movie even have a continuity . department the fingerprints are . different in almost every shot the . packages are in different places than . they land and if we track every . continuity error through this whole . thing we'll be here longer than a . narnian winter let's just add 15 sins . and call it a day and from our fallen . fashion line we call this the topless. scarf look for when you have to keep . your neck warm and your nipples hard at . the same time and also most annoying . from from the lamppost all the way to . castle cair paravel on the eastern ocean . every stick and stone you see is not a . fun swimming why would she think she's . still in the wardrobe confusion about . where she is exactly sure but she does . know the difference between indoors and. outdoors right i would be if you came . and had tea with me well it would be . sort of like a kidnapping and an amber . alert would be issue lucy accepts the . half naked strangers invite to tee . further ignoring her siblings and how . many rules of hide-and-seek she's. breaking this entire movies events could . be avoided if lucy would just act her . age and get scared of the snowscape and . goat stranger and run back through the . wardrobe into the mansion in the dead of . winter are they frozen bucketloads i . read these books as a kid and loved them . i saw this movie isn't adult and thought . it was fine i'm watching this movie now . as a sinner god almighty it's downright . insufferable other than the frostbite . you mean yeah i'm awesome . matt lauer. [music]. what stuff it's like hey come to my . house for tea then psychedelic fluting . why would whatever magic powers this . thing has not let the siblings get to. narnia now if it's just gonna let them . do it the next time god even the . wardrobe itself is involved in the . scheme to pad the runtime if she knows . she's going back to narnia wouldn't she . do more to prepare then just slide some . boots on maybe a jacket huh some fun . repellent so lucy comes through to . narnia and immediately meets good guy . tumnus bombadil edmund comes through . narnia in the same spot mind you and . immediately meets bad guy ice queen its . narnia super fucking tiny or just super. fucking convenient anything you'd like . to eat . turkish delight sheesh first tumnus . traps lucy in and fire flute roofie sir . now a discount collateral here is . basically running a hey kid want some . candy on edmund i'm not sure who the . nanyan version of chris hansen is but . they suck at their job grumpy dwarf as a . dick to magic chalices must assume she's . telling the truth. old goofy and confusing guy who likes to . smoke a pipe gives the small hero's . advice while seemingly just babbling. about gibberish again i'm not sure who . got there first but it's clear as day . lewis and tolkien we're writing their . famous fantasies at the exact same time. [music]. cricket when did lucy even have time to . make that snowball her hands are empty . here and peter has been looking at her . the whole time snowball fight really . it's your first time in a magical land . fully contained inside a wardrobe not . your first time seeing snow you dolt 30 . seconds of filmmaking tricks designed to . make viewers scared and nervous only to. introduce a goddamn beaver it was a good . guy that will go in to help them this is . the movies version of a time-wasting . jump scare i can assume any . english-speaking upright-walking beaver . behaves completely like an actual beaver . for no apparent reason especially . considering beavers likely never met an . actual beaver to know how to beaver in . the first beaver beaver anything susan . would be excellent at anthropomorphisms . open flame for a structure made entirely . of wood i'm just saying don't borrow a . faulty crock pot from the neighbors . that's all hmm large dam element of. danger. talking beavers sardines this movie has . most of my sexual fantasies all rolled . into one scene y would be ver think that . they knew this and we're joking he knows . they're not from here right they don't . even know about the prophecy prophecies . you know that . righty-right poem nancy it's time the . four of us we're getting home at but . damn room is in no damn way big enough. for edmund to have made his damn escape . without being seen these doors seemed a . bit impractical edmund is a punk-ass . little bitch already ditched his family . and raced to the obviously evil queen . because she has some candy walks through . a field of statues that to me the casual. observer are clearly medusa style frozen . real creatures and draws glasses in a . mustache on one edmund spoopy should . have been called chronicles of narnia . edmund is a pants also movie has time . for this . my apologies fortunate favourite of the . queen or else not so fortunate jeez well . if you're gonna sinisterly for shout of . the queen's evil intentions at least . wait until you're out of edmonds earshot . to do so honestly i wrote narae's . several jokes about this line but . ultimately i can't shake the thought . that this way for your num-nums would . make an excellent band there man how . many movies is liam neeson in we're a . pack of wolves are the bad guys . movie chiefs like my college girlfriend . here and it makes me furious because the . kids in beaver are already gone when the . wolves show up but to keep the audience . surprised they edited the footage to . make it look like the wolves had shown . up before they got away basically they . edited this with the editorial hand of a . keeping up with the kardashians show run. it's a good thing the biebs built this . escape tunnel big enough for humans to . run through that's some pretty. impressive foresight i tell ya this . peril is a too small to cover the . opening be too light to not easily be . moved and see rollable this in no way . better is their predicament ah the old . hide high up in a tree and hope you can . remain quiet routine never mind how the . fuck they got up there so fast he ran . north smell them out if you can smell . them out why do you need his help with . the direction why can't you smell them . since they're really close near rock the . time is short and esslyn himself has . asked me to gather more troops fox news . i see they shot the scene on . green-screen mountain that aslan's camp . is near the stone table just across the . frozen river awesome how the fuck do you . know that your own wife was shocked a . few minutes ago to meet a fox that had . met aslan yeah you know the exact route . and location of the secret camp is this . coincidence or just a bieber marriage so . torn apart by lies and distrust that . divorce is imminent long journey such . arduous ness sole finish ship here's a . jump scare chase scene that has all the . tension of a genuinely scary moment. except that it ends with santa claus yep . santa claus as a movie ever jumped the . shark at its own halfway point i put up . with a lot since i got here . thing i said while watching the film. somehow went back in time and became . aligned in the script . santa gives each human child a special . gift i'll allow the wizard of oz and i'm . suddenly starting to wonder if cs lewis. was just really good at paying close . attention to other works of fiction that . captured the pu
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