Everything Wrong With The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

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Somehow, even in five years' time, we still haven't sinned the Narnia movies. We begin to fix that starting today with the sins of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. There are... plenty.
Next Week: Two actiony sins vids.
Remember, no movie is without sin! Which movie's sins should we expose next?!
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[music]. these are german bombers in a movie . about some british kids escaping the war . into a mythical realm do we really need . sky captain in the world of yesterday . footage of these bombers maybe this is . why the movie is 2 hours 23 minutes long . this intense opening is meant to give us . context but it also builds a connection . to their home and their mother that the . movie will never revisit or resolve for. its entire two and a half hours you know . what else could get you killed beter . leaving that bunker door open just so . you can chastise your little brother. shut the door when boarding a train . please make sure to inform us if you are . starring in a film so you can be seated . my window on the station side for . maximum waving effect thank you and . enjoy your evacuation you won't listen . to your brother waiting edmund you go . okay i will but um do you mean . emotionally like dakota fanning and man . on fire or do you mean physically like . ats monica on fronts or do you mean . spiritually like that will writer chick . movie isn't the screwtape letters mrs. maccready i'm afraid so . let me spend so much time oliver. twisting an an of green gables i'm . beginning to wonder if it's ever going . to go narnia chronicling and above all . there should be no disturbing off the . professor oh now i understand this too . long setup they're hoping to create and . norn your hurts which i guess they kind . of do for another movie or two why don't . i forget how it all worked out was it . latin worst game ever invented edmund is . such a miserable whiny little bastard . always correcting everyone and pointing . out the mistakes and hey random and . convenient completely empty chest is. both random and convenient she ran . through at least two hallways and is at . the far end of this room with the door. closed. i doubt she's hearing peter at all lucy . accidentally south into narnia is . wandering into a fantasy world a common . occurrence for lucy she doesn't seem . shocked or scared at all that this. closet led to some sort of winter . wonderland how is she at least not . running back the way she came at this . point to inspect what happened and . without proper orienteering skills and. basic intelligence lucy died of. hypothermia long before the game of. hide-and-seek was over lucy's left hand . touches the pole but an immediate cut . away shows it's her right hand and then . immediately her left again i haven't . seen pole work that fast since well . never mind . yes losey be very afraid i've seen what . james mcavoy does when he's in beast . mode and you don't want any part of it . did this movie even have a continuity . department the fingerprints are . different in almost every shot the . packages are in different places than . they land and if we track every . continuity error through this whole . thing we'll be here longer than a . narnian winter let's just add 15 sins . and call it a day and from our fallen . fashion line we call this the topless. scarf look for when you have to keep . your neck warm and your nipples hard at . the same time and also most annoying . from from the lamppost all the way to . castle cair paravel on the eastern ocean . every stick and stone you see is not a . fun swimming why would she think she's . still in the wardrobe confusion about . where she is exactly sure but she does . know the difference between indoors and. outdoors right i would be if you came . and had tea with me well it would be . sort of like a kidnapping and an amber . alert would be issue lucy accepts the . half naked strangers invite to tee . further ignoring her siblings and how . many rules of hide-and-seek she's. breaking this entire movies events could . be avoided if lucy would just act her . age and get scared of the snowscape and . goat stranger and run back through the . wardrobe into the mansion in the dead of . winter are they frozen bucketloads i . read these books as a kid and loved them . i saw this movie isn't adult and thought . it was fine i'm watching this movie now . as a sinner god almighty it's downright . insufferable other than the frostbite . you mean yeah i'm awesome . matt lauer. [music]. what stuff it's like hey come to my . house for tea then psychedelic fluting . why would whatever magic powers this . thing has not let the siblings get to. narnia now if it's just gonna let them . do it the next time god even the . wardrobe itself is involved in the . scheme to pad the runtime if she knows . she's going back to narnia wouldn't she . do more to prepare then just slide some . boots on maybe a jacket huh some fun . repellent so lucy comes through to . narnia and immediately meets good guy . tumnus bombadil edmund comes through . narnia in the same spot mind you and . immediately meets bad guy ice queen its . narnia super fucking tiny or just super. fucking convenient anything you'd like . to eat . turkish delight sheesh first tumnus . traps lucy in and fire flute roofie sir . now a discount collateral here is . basically running a hey kid want some . candy on edmund i'm not sure who the . nanyan version of chris hansen is but . they suck at their job grumpy dwarf as a . dick to magic chalices must assume she's . telling the truth. old goofy and confusing guy who likes to . smoke a pipe gives the small hero's . advice while seemingly just babbling. about gibberish again i'm not sure who . got there first but it's clear as day . lewis and tolkien we're writing their . famous fantasies at the exact same time. [music]. cricket when did lucy even have time to . make that snowball her hands are empty . here and peter has been looking at her . the whole time snowball fight really . it's your first time in a magical land . fully contained inside a wardrobe not . your first time seeing snow you dolt 30 . seconds of filmmaking tricks designed to . make viewers scared and nervous only to. introduce a goddamn beaver it was a good . guy that will go in to help them this is . the movies version of a time-wasting . jump scare i can assume any . english-speaking upright-walking beaver . behaves completely like an actual beaver . for no apparent reason especially . considering beavers likely never met an . actual beaver to know how to beaver in . the first beaver beaver anything susan . would be excellent at anthropomorphisms . open flame for a structure made entirely . of wood i'm just saying don't borrow a . faulty crock pot from the neighbors . that's all hmm large dam element of. danger. talking beavers sardines this movie has . most of my sexual fantasies all rolled . into one scene y would be ver think that . they knew this and we're joking he knows . they're not from here right they don't . even know about the prophecy prophecies . you know that . righty-right poem nancy it's time the . four of us we're getting home at but . damn room is in no damn way big enough. for edmund to have made his damn escape . without being seen these doors seemed a . bit impractical edmund is a punk-ass . little bitch already ditched his family . and raced to the obviously evil queen . because she has some candy walks through . a field of statues that to me the casual. observer are clearly medusa style frozen . real creatures and draws glasses in a . mustache on one edmund spoopy should . have been called chronicles of narnia . edmund is a pants also movie has time . for this . my apologies fortunate favourite of the . queen or else not so fortunate jeez well . if you're gonna sinisterly for shout of . the queen's evil intentions at least . wait until you're out of edmonds earshot . to do so honestly i wrote narae's . several jokes about this line but . ultimately i can't shake the thought . that this way for your num-nums would . make an excellent band there man how . many movies is liam neeson in we're a . pack of wolves are the bad guys . movie chiefs like my college girlfriend . here and it makes me furious because the . kids in beaver are already gone when the . wolves show up but to keep the audience . surprised they edited the footage to . make it look like the wolves had shown . up before they got away basically they . edited this with the editorial hand of a . keeping up with the kardashians show run. it's a good thing the biebs built this . escape tunnel big enough for humans to . run through that's some pretty. impressive foresight i tell ya this . peril is a too small to cover the . opening be too light to not easily be . moved and see rollable this in no way . better is their predicament ah the old . hide high up in a tree and hope you can . remain quiet routine never mind how the . fuck they got up there so fast he ran . north smell them out if you can smell . them out why do you need his help with . the direction why can't you smell them . since they're really close near rock the . time is short and esslyn himself has . asked me to gather more troops fox news . i see they shot the scene on . green-screen mountain that aslan's camp . is near the stone table just across the . frozen river awesome how the fuck do you . know that your own wife was shocked a . few minutes ago to meet a fox that had . met aslan yeah you know the exact route . and location of the secret camp is this . coincidence or just a bieber marriage so . torn apart by lies and distrust that . divorce is imminent long journey such . arduous ness sole finish ship here's a . jump scare chase scene that has all the . tension of a genuinely scary moment. except that it ends with santa claus yep . santa claus as a movie ever jumped the . shark at its own halfway point i put up . with a lot since i got here . thing i said while watching the film. somehow went back in time and became . aligned in the script . santa gives each human child a special . gift i'll allow the wizard of oz and i'm . suddenly starting to wonder if cs lewis. was just really good at paying close . attention to other works of fiction that . captured the pu
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