Everything Wrong With The Emoji Movie

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Forty seconds of three sony logos the . world we live in . seriously are all animated movies. particularly the ones required to begin . with disembodied narration i mean i've . guess they've got a voice actor and a . mic and say what the hell hey which one . of you assholes took a break from . texting to make and throw this paper. airplane goddammit if you're gonna be a . part of this cliched image of current . adolescence you better get the hell back . onto tinder that's my home tech stop . with us wait why isn't it called emoji . bill or emoji would this assumes all . text lives here but there are no numbers . or letters to be found here each of us . does one thing and we have to nail it . every time yeah but why does the fortune . cookie get the crack wise and the . elephant can later joke with the . laughing guy about a text the rules of . this place make no fucking sense . merry christmas it's still september tim . first off why does the christmas tree . have an actual name and why does it be . tim and does it matter that it's . september this fortune cookie asshole. has clearly never seen a retail store . after august cryer always has to cry has . to or decides to and why exactly yes i . know it's the entire foundation of what . we're going to loosely call a plot here . but a few seconds ago you said for the . faces the pressure is on why would the . pressure be on if they have no choice. and furthermore why does it matter what . they do outside of the cubes that's the . only time they're required to be on also . hang up not only do the emojis have a . fully functional lottery system but they . use actual money as currency isn't money . itself an emoji i know you can't also . based on the silly putty appendages will . continue to see throughout this travesty. pretty sure the audience is the only one . who's boned why is he trying on ties . emojis don't work clothes and even if . they did are you trying to tell me this . untied shoe here would even fit those . tiny feet and this world must be . confusing are edible doughnuts a thing . here our people tempted to eat these . babies what kind of business monkey . business you it's been almost 30 seconds . since we heard a low-quality punt is . that the time hey my eyes are up here. pal. hate what iris numbers his genitals and . don't you look at the whole clock when . telling the time also how is he not used . to this elephant farts elfin parts let's . all laugh at the elephant parts freak . protagonists in a kids movie is bullied . for being different cliche . my parents are total pros parents great . now i have to think about how emojis . reproduce can only identical emojis hook . up to produce the same emoji offspring . and how does that even work looks on . when an eggplant emoji loves a taco . emoji very much whoa i'm a ton of . questions about what just happened here . how do these poop emojis even use the . restroom did they just murder one of . their own . what were they flushing wooden bathrooms . be like torture chambers for them or . wait did he just birth his son our . bathrooms their birthing centers should . we wash our hands ha ha ha ha you movie . come on dad if you really think you're . ready . so in this universe the parents get to . decide who goes on the job should the . hiring and firing be done by the . scanning company we are all of these new . emojis starting work on the same day the . hell they replaced a huge chunk of their . workforce overnight all of these cubes . are already full and there's even poop . senior sitting in his so where are these . new assholes supposed to go because i . was the original emoji were you because . i'm pretty sure the first group of . emojis were all released at the same. time unless you mean the emoticon but . we've already seen that those are. different and considered the elderly in . this universe plus on this phone you all . probably came pre-installed together so . tell me again why you're in charge . there's nothing like getting scammed . for the first time damn movie did you . have to make the emojis getting scanned. for the first time creepy in the . nosebleeds i'm standing right here . words hurt yeah but the nose isn't. bleeding so what's the offense here jeez . it's like the writers were looking at a . page of emojis and said hey we haven't . used the nose yet how can we shoot horn . in a reference i know the movie needs to . show these assholes doing stuff other . than getting scammed but why the hell . aren't they always in there cute alex is . not sure how he wants to play this just . because he's scrolling through the . options he could be looking for a . specific emoji but this announcer . purports to know his actual thoughts . dammit this movie wants to be inside out . so bad we are go format something not . explained and all that explained arising . is how on earth all this getting every. emoji to their cube orienting the. machine and doing the scan happened so . quickly on the user side is there a time . distortion does the time flow with a. different rate in the phone is gene. actually matthew mcconaughey is he going. to leave his own daughter oh . mr. poop can apparently only speak in . poop related references it's kind of . like the dude that works as a personal . trainer and that's all he can talk about . elevator platform that got him in the . cute can someone tell the movie that. these scenes of slow-motion hilarity are . supposed to be used for actual funny . moments malfunction so i guess alex . who's supposedly addicted to using his . phone and was literally just texting is . taking a convenient break from using . emojis while all this plays out right i . am a malfunction technically you're . correct which is the problem with this . movie you said at the very beginning . that these characters have one job . apiece i'm always happy oh right hashtag . truth is there an emoji for the . combination of anger eye rolling and . bored them all together because if there . is that should be the text for the rest . of this fucking video movie went to . great pains to show us high five . subterfuge to get into the favorites . club so how did gene get in here so . easily. welcome to the loser lounge where the . emojis who never get used hangout never . used. that's eggplant and considering their . user is a male who just graduated junior . high there's no way that emoji is left . unused they were trying to leave me you . what's so important about you they'd . send out an entire team of bots the dude . high-five was at the event where gene . fucked up all the machinery of the . emojis but has no clue why they'd wanted . to lead him that had better not be my . leftover chinese food wait is the . abandoned luggage emoji eating actual. leftover chinese food or is this an . emoji of chinese food and if it's an . emoji of chinese food does that mean the . chinese food emoji is also in the losers . lounge and what the fuck is up with the . pizza pete has gotta be an incredibly . popular emoji do you have any idea what . it's like to be demoted to this pit of . despair yeah . yeah i'm starting to think i do just . find a hacker and get reprogrammed one . of the princess emojis left the phone. altogether i'm sure the hacker that . helps her do that could easily reprogram . you the names jailbreak . why does high five even know any of this . did he spend the last few days in the . wikipedia app studying up on wyldstyle . i mean jailbreak sure they were asleep . on the couch a little while ago but they . definitely would have woken up during . this trip did high five and gene drug . these two where is he even storing those . some sort of invisible back pouch our . hand emojis marsupials and other finger . puppets also emojis can someone explain . the goddamn rules of this universe . let the silicon valley product placement. commits being crackle what kid would . have crackle instead of netflix or hbo. go did he specifically want to watch . jupiter ascending and that was the only . service that carried it there are no . barriers to getting in and out of these . apps why isn't this cross-pollination . happening all the time it's not like the . boundary was way the hell out of the way . just a short walk from the center of . text ovilus they like him and that's . what matters in this life popularity oh . good rather just have a real friend . that's right the ping emoji movie is . trying to sneak some serious social . commentary into its narrative just . because one of the six writers has a . problem with how facebook is used to . follow those meds so not only was . smiling and watching this camera at the . exact time that the bot spotted the miz . the plan to follow them only just came . to her also nothing about these bots . told us that they had cameras in the . first place. what else do they do that we're not . aware of turnout a liquid metal also . just a reminder that alex has continued . to not use any emojis since the . destruction of the pond thinking this . place can get a little rough yep you can . tell how rough this place is by the. extremely dangerous early 80s hair metal . cover band oh geez i thought the . conversation just got dumber . rando pirate troll that for some reason . requires eyeglasses would be excellent . at cinemasins . internet trolls just ignore them exactly . our internet trolls inside the piracy . app again i can buy emojis bots viruses . and such but aren't internet trolls. actual human beings actually i think i . just answered my own question . wait the bots literally just identified . a virus and did nothing would it take . too much time to eliminate this mother . come the hell on the spots have been . easily eliminating fools left and right . in this scene alone but the one that . actually spots jean takes as much time . to charge his weapon is the death star i . should probably give up trying to . understand the dimensional physics of. this world but exactly how
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