That Time Britain Burned Down The White House

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Caption: Welcome to ruining history today we're . going to talk a lot and learn a little . about the war of 1812 guys that's oh . it's a weird war what war was it it was . the war of . you don't know the basics of it nothing . i know the basics it was in 1812 i know . nothing about history or why i was . invited to talk about it al capone had . anything to do with al capone he comes . into the story a little later at the . century offer so this is almost like the . sequel to the revolutionary war is that . a better way to pitch it when it comes. to american history the war of 1812 is . kind of an outlier . it was once described as quote the. buck-toothed stepsister of american . military victories but there's one. aspect of the war of 1812 that probably . sticks out to some people the part where . british troops physically stormed. washington dc and actually set it on . fire so let's talk about that the year . was 1812 and obviously and things in the . atlantic were a bit choppy british . reluctant a war with napoleon and the . royal navy had made a habit of . kidnapping us soldiers by the thousands . and forcing them to work on their . warships they weren't capturing them a . thousand at once i thought you met with. ship of a thousand people you're like . come on one of those big finding nemo. nets just capture a gaggle of us . soldiers i've got to take this up . international relations were further . intensifying due to britain's ongoing . trade competition with france a snooty . british diplomat summed it up well we . are aiming blows at the french marine we . want elbow room and these good neutrals. won't give it to us and therefore they . get a few side pushes which make them. grumble however i hope that they will . see their interest better than to. seriously quarrel with us then people . seriously talk like that cuz i'm exotic . i like i don't know what you just said . to me he's just saying look we're just . sorting our shit out with france and . these idiot americans are annoyed. because it's interfering with their. business but obviously they're not dumb. enough to get into a war with us if that . british diplomat hoped americans would . remain calm and collected he was sorely . mistaken. congressman future . and as far as i can tell vampire john c . calhoun said that he much preferred. quote war with all its accompanying . evils true abject submission apologies. to john seek alton with tensions . continuing to rise president james . madison the fourth president he's the . fourth president of the united states . he's the fourth yeah does everyone know . what america was founded i'm like wow . we're really early in history this is . why i don't know why i was invited here . let it be no no that's the one thing we . knew was the only time everyone has all . chimed in with tensions continuing to . rise president james madison declared . war against britain in june of 1812 and . america was not stoked a good portion of . the population particularly the folks in. new england were still sympathetic to . britain many of them were in active . opposition to the war so why are they . still on england's side here was this . maybe like when there's a divorce in the . family and some of the kids have to live . a mom but they kind of want to live with . dad still we need kylo ren the spring . trader at them because can you stop . talking about star wars . what's wrong with talking about star . wars i can't stop many people wouldn't . even contribute to war loans and instead . invested their money in britain so you . can understand why a visitor to the . white house described madison as licking . quote miss ripley shattered and . woebegone his mind is full of the new . england sedition things will get worse . for him by the way i'm bringing back the . word wobegon woebegone is good what the . fuck guys like just like full of woe i'm . gonna use that shit yeah if you're . having a day where you're feeling kind . of glum and i run into you in the . canteen and i say huh how you go house . yeah i'd say how you going then he has a. brain aneurysm i pass out and then . you'll be gone . with the fall of napoleon in 1814 . brittany suddenly had more forces to . throw at their ongoing conflict with the . u. s. in the early days of the war . fighting took place near the great lakes . and canada spreading to the chesapeake . region in 1813 but on august 24th 1814 . in the blistering heat president madison . would meet with an emergency war council . near the navy yard after learning that . british soldiers had 5 days earlier . landed south east of washington dc and . were making their way up the nearby . patuxent river a spy reported 45 large . craft and many more small boats . according to anthony pitch their enemy . so eagerly taunted by america's war hawk . congressman was on course to literally . march into town old president madison . he's having how long how much time is. elapsed here about two years he's having . himself quite the term then a retired . after that shit fuck this somebody else . do it has that ever happened no . president is like i'll fuck this and i . want to do this hopefully soon i no . one's ever resigned for the reason being . too much work you know i go pick some . apples i'd be pretty well begun there . were roughly 4,500 british troops to . america's 5,500 but the defenders were. in for an uphill battle many of the . british troops had previously fought in . the napoleonic wars which left them . hardened real tough boys at their. command were general robert ross and. admiral george cockburn admiral cockburn . in particular was an imposing figure . he was so revered by the british . military that he was handpicked to. transport napoleon to a life of exile on . the island of st. helena do you think . they became friends along the way . no i actually read his diary from the . trip and he didn't seem to like him i . imagine it was just cockburn a napoleon . which sounds like a really fun buddy cop . drop. admiral cockburn had also made a name. for himself stateside during the war he. became infamous for his destructive . campaign in the chesapeake region. plundering settlements and setting them . ablaze . according to author anthony pitch. cockburn was so despised that one . american claimed he would pay $500 for . each of the admirals ears and $1,000 for . his head damn how much is that today's . mate can you do you have that you don't . have that in there maybe next time do a . little more research and that right . there pop up we can tell you how much it . is. think about it $500 back in those days i . was just like you know just chopped . people's ears off for no reason oh you. just chopped the ears off say yeah these . are cock burns oh yeah there's no way to . prove it there's no dna then you buy . yourself a nice yacht cockburn was . living up to his reputation pitch says . that quote his spies and captives had. deepened his already intimate knowledge . of the area and he was confident of a . quick conquest admiral cockburn might . have been even more confident if he knew . what he was up against the state of the . american forces was not great many of . the soldiers were wearing winter . clothing even though it was august and . many of them were without boots or . flint's for their muskets according to . historian alan taylor the soldiers had . only been trained one day per year and . the day was usually spent drinking in . the temple we won one war and all of a . sudden we think we're the fuckin belle . of the ball you know what we deserved to . lose during that same council president . madison was also informed that the enemy . troops moving ever nearer to the capital . were marching on the town of bladensburg . located only six miles north of . washington dc the american generals . rallied their shitty troops been . prepared to meet them . president madison himself rode along . with them carrying two pistols pretty . cool president i'm not gonna lie whoa . he thinks he's fucking mallorca yo . that's that's what we need we need the . president go to war where everybody . doesn't work out that well you watch . game of thrones now what about this . madison we're riding into battle with . two pistols pretty stupid considering . the the training of the staff he's . riding in with it doesn't seem like . they're exactly the the best assembled . group of soldiers it's quite the motley . crew we are born of idiocy when american . troops met with the british forces at . bladensburg it was confusing for me as a . reader look a lot happen all you need to . know is that the americans made a series . of strategic blunders like they they . blew it at one point the british . military was firing actual rockets over . james madison's head which is hilarious . it's been referred to as the quote . greatest disgrace. ever dealt to american arms i think it's . the only time a sitting president has . been under fire i'm not there's no way . they have rockies back they did have . rockets they were just very bad like 4th . of july fireworks are probably firing . roman candles at his head basically was . like james madison just like piss his . pants we can't say for sure but i would . be yeah they were urine soaked for sure . that horse had piss all over its back. the whole thing resulted in the american . military retreating from the area and . essentially. carpet for british forces to head into. washington dc way to go guys back in . washington dc dolly madison was perhaps . not as concerned as she should be the . first lady had set the table for a 3 . p. m. dinner expecting her husband and . about 40 other people though she had . received correspondence from a woman who. was scheduled to visit for a social call . the day before that politely read in the . present state of alarm and bustle of . preparation for the worst happen i . imagine it would be more convenient to . dispense with the enjoyment of your . hospitality

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